i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
