Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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