Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are my feet made of real feet?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
