i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize