Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
