nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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