I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize