You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
