jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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