Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
