Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
