Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
