wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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