Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
