guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
