Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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