i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
love makes seman taste better
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
