hotel room ftw
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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