I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We need a shit load of segways right now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
