i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
