I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
