I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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