he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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