I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
