Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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