Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
