So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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