I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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