I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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