his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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