the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
