is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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