Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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