I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
