He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
