hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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