I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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