I'm going to jail i love you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
