I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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