I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
