ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
