so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize