Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
