I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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