i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
