I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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