you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's the barista slut.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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