I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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