Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
