Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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