I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have fence marks all over my body
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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