it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
