Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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