i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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