I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
