I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we should paint friendship bongs
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