i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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