If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
