Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
