The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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