Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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