Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
