bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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