Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
