I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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