I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i dont even know how to be here
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.