There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city