All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
