I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle