Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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