: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
