Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
