I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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