i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
