If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
