no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
