theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
