some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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