I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
